you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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