I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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