I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ladies don't puke and tell
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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