oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize