after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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