I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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