We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
