i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
