is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
