We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize