If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
