I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
