So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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