I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
