I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
