WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
