i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you will always have a special place in my vag
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
