Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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