Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
