She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
