It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
