One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
