One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
