everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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