he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
