Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize