I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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