At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
