cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
