its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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