I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
