Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
