haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
