Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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