Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
