You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
