Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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