I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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