I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We have so much sex to catch up on
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
