I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
