why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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