P.S. I can't hear my feet
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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