I'm so fucking centered right now
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
