What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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