the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
