Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
