as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
