just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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