she takes plan B like it's going out of style
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
