Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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