...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
