Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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