so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I need to calm my uterus...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
