Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
sarcasm needs its own font
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize