go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
