You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I pour the whiskey from now on
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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