they need to just BURY HIM!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
