My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
