when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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