How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
