i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize