Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
