nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
