we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize